Me. At least after what I've been through.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
