You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
