Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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