You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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