Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
