She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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