who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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