Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
