The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
