you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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