I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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