Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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