her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
