She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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