Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
