you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
