He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
