you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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