she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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