I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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