your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
