So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
