I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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