last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
