my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
