I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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