when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
