Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
