I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
