im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
All the doctor said was why
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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