So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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