Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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