I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
