he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
