I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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