We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
