I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
