I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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