I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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