His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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