Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm both gender and math confused
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
