dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
