Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
