Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
