ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
May the power of my ass compel you!!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
