I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I didn't notice because vodka
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
