Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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