A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
