im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
