my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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