I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
