nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
