if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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