So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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