So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
